x-posted from my tumblr
It all started on an island in the middle of the ocean (and strangely, stayed there - normally my dreams' locations are all over the fucking place) with a new, hardcore variation of Wacky Races that I was participating in. I replaced Dick Dastardly, my familiar was a monkey instead of Mutley and the new version was called Zany Deathrace. The speed at which the cars travelled around the island course was nigh on supersonic, and the game was deadly - the lumberjack had at one point cut a knight's horse who was in the race in half with the buzzsaw on the front of his wooden car.
Suddenly, there was a gigantic black mechanical spider-like machine stomping after us and it annihilated all of the other racers and spectators, reducing the populated section of the island to ash. It was like a flatter, squatter version of the steampunk spider from Wild Wild West, but then as it caught my car, all of the outer machinery crumbled away to show its true form, a slick, space-age monstrosity that suggested it was capable of anything. Inside the cockpit the original Professor Fate from The Amazing Race (but wearing a cowboy hat) announced that it felt good to be a member of the League of Evil Geniuses and with a twist of his machine's neck, hurled my car across to the other side of the island.
Injured, I recouperated for the next week at my dad's private chateau in that section of the island, until I gained the strength to join him on one of his explorations of the island. During the foray, however, I got lost and was eventually discovered by a secret society of ultra-feminist lesbians who took me prisoner, but after questioning me on my views on gender and sexuality, eventually swore me in as one of their own. They gave me some very manly clothes (it was what they wore), but I ran down to the Myer Centre (apparently the Brisbane Central Business District was located inside this island) which was suddenly a Vegas-like circus of colour, sound and performers, a sin city with flashing lights, and I ran into a dress store and bought the most expensive dress I could find because they had wired thousands into my bank account. I found a poofy purple silk dress and bought it. I was ready to go.
They gave me a magic talking chicken who was big enough for me and my monkey to ride (I swear to god I am not making any of this up), and I taught him how to go in the exact direction I wanted him to (after many mishaps) by pulling his right wing in different directions. Together we flew around the island and eventually I stopped him and we grabbed onto the side of a tree to watch a huge swarm of dog-sized galahs
fly from one tree to the other in a strongly orange dawn sun. The sight was so beautiful that I cried tears of joy. My monkey and chicken both commented that if I filled up some buckets with them we could get very rich selling them to a dark city where tears were the currency, and tears of joy were especially valuable. I probably got that bit from the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.
Then I woke up.